The Changing way of saying ‘Thanks.’
Looking back, I often took my parents’ and wife’s love and affection for granted. I never explicitly thanked them for their kindness and generosity, assuming it was a given. This is a common oversight, one that I’m sure many of you can relate to.
My first English teacher, Sri Narasimha Murthy, introduced me to the phrases ‘thank you’ and ‘no mention’ in my seventh standard. These were not just words but cultural expressions of gratitude and humility. I repeated them like a parrot for years, not fully grasping their meaning. Yet, I took pride in showcasing my English skills to my neighbours, their smiles confirming my ‘arrival’ in life, a significant milestone in our culture that signifies a person’s growth and progress. To this day, I ponder the significance of ‘no mention’ and its role in our cultural expressions of gratitude.
Narayana was a well-known barber in my town. Ranganna was a poor man living in the Hanuman temple. No one knew where he came from, nor did we know any of his antecedents. The village folk gave him food, and he lived happily. Some donated money during special events in the temple. But his beard and hair were growing day by day. One morning, when he was free, Narayana invited Ranganna and gave a clean shave and haircut. But he did not charge for his service. Narayana’s selfless generosity and kindness deeply moved Ranganna. He wanted to repay the kindness and started saving the money. On an appointed day, he approached Narayana and offered him the collected coins. Narayana refused to accept the offer as the service was a goodwill gesture. According to Narayana, one can not repay any act of kindness. I understood that a ‘thank you’ is unnecessary for love.
It has become a practice to return the gifts of love immediately. The concept of ‘return gifts’ has become ubiquitous in our culture, often seen as a way to balance the scales of gratitude. In family events, the host considers the gifts and cash as debt and plans to return them as soon as possible.
Recently, I heard the new concept of ‘double thank you’. A ‘double thank you moment’ refers to a scenario in which both the giver and the receiver of a kind act or service express gratitude. This term encapsulates the mutual appreciation that enhances the experience for both parties involved. It’s a way of acknowledging that gratitude is not a one-way street but a shared experience that can deepen relationships. Experts say this behaviour strengthens social bonds and creates a positive culture.
I am surprised and somewhat disheartened that such ‘specialized’ tools have become necessary for social interactions where general trust and mutual kindness have disappeared. In the last fifty years, I have seen the shift from ‘no need-to-thank’ to’ a single thank you’ to a ‘double thank you’. The world is changing!
